Recovery or Rebirth

Although we are hardly aware of it, in truth, our concept of self is created with every moment of conditioned reality. Initially, we can only find meaning in life in relation to what it means to ‘us’, i.e., related to self-concepts. Our sense of self is reinforced with every perception, which divides experience into an objective ‘object’ and a subjective ‘perceiver’. This habitually occurs in torrents within our mind-stream from the moment we awaken until we settle into the oblivion of sleep. It can occur in dreams, but only those where we have developed habitual self-concept, as in ‘lucid’ dreams. Normal dreams, lacking established ‘self’, are therefore difficult to recall and lack stability.

Our sense of being, even if we attempt to empty it, will be recreated every moment we perceive, until we learn to master and abate this process. This is a lofty challenge and the pinnacle of traineeship. Only once this is mastered, by various means, is enlightenment completed.

Much earlier in our studies, particularly between the first and second grades of enlightenment, there is significant confusion as one wrestles with old and new concepts. Most of this suffering arises through an attempt to ‘recover’ — yet, in truth, there was never anything to recover.

We cannot return to a previous state of being simply because the ‘state’ of being is always created in the present. From one present moment to the next, there is always a new state of being. We partially realise this but may not yet be able to mentally articulate it. When we try, we may feel hopeless — a kind of spiritual frustration, akin to trying to push water uphill.

Deep down, we recognise that the font of being arises in the now, and we can no longer pursue goals we no longer believe in. We might feel pressured to return to who we were by well-meaning friends and family, but this is, on many levels, impossible.

We may feel starved from lack of definition, and it is easy to indulge in fantasies rather than face this terrifying emptiness. Generally, however, we are not deeply upset — more often we grieve over aspects of our previous life that we have spiritually outgrown.

This doesn’t mean that one should become a defiant hermit or recluse, for that is also not the way, particularly not long-term. Enlightenment is as much about returning to a full and integrated experience as it is about leaving ordinary life. The eleventh stage of the twelve-stage classification of the great alchemic work is called multiplication. This is a difficult stage where one integrates the ‘essence’ of one’s understanding. One must descend from the intellectual safety of one’s dharma and be ground down with the harshness of practical reality.

The meeting of the aloof intellectual and grounded existence is a stage of enforced humility for the alchemist. Here, grand fantasy is pruned to its simplest potential, where it must remain, always.

This process then paves the way for a meeting of opposites, both expressions of a single essence. There is no room for either passionate or lofty ideals — both are the same, and neither is the true essence.

The confidence that arises is indomitable, for it arises continuously in the now. Where it goes is no longer relevant, as one ceases to move out of the being of the immediate.

Therefore, try not to worry too much about who you might have been. Keep chipping away at your practice and understanding, and there is really no need to look back. ❤️🙏

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
— The Buddha, Dhammapada