Becoming Lost

Feeling ‘lost’ is very common in depression, psychosis, and many forms of severe mental illness. It is the attempted articulation of a self that no longer feels at home.

But where do these feelings arise from? What does it mean when we feel spiritually lost?

When we begin our earthly existence, we are shrouded in ignorance. Assuming some degree of stability, we might reach mid-adulthood before we start to feel subtly alien — a feeling of waking up inside the drama of one’s own life, like an actor who is struggling to stay in character.

Lostness is a feeling that arises when we lose our bearings. Yet, in this case, it is the arising of a need for bearings where before there simply was no need. It is the arising of the need for orientation that creates the feelings of being lost.

It can confuse us into looking ‘out there’ for answers. We might think we can be found in a new lifestyle, but the preference for a lifestyle that merely distracts should alert us that we are looking in the wrong place.

So, where does this need for orientation arise?

It arises through a gradual rejection of the ego. The ego is our free, default vehicle of self. It is perfectly satisfactory for children, but is only a mere stage in the proper maturation of the human being.

With increasing spiritual wisdom, the ego is doubted as the true vehicle of self, which renders the self temporarily homeless — for a while, until a more suitable spiritual vehicle of self is built.

It is this sense of spiritual homelessness that creates a feeling of alienation with one’s sensory existence. It is a symptom of the mental faculty of ‘I will know the unknown,’ and whilst quite painful to experience, it will resolve once one’s faith matures and one develops certainty and commitment — i.e., sakadāgāmī, or the second stage of enlightenment.

Once sakadāgāmī is achieved, all feelings of being lost evaporate, and one’s resolve intensifies.

“He who has realized the truth is never lost, even when wandering through endless realms of existence.”
— The Udāna, 8.3